Mentor programme

I have a new project.

I will be mentoring him in the important things.

Posing for the camera, how to work the wonky ears to his advantage, accessorising.

He is the Luke Skywalker to Yoda. If you can't beat them, you might as well mentor them, become their manager and take a percentage.

A bad owner

always blames their tools.

Perks of being a shop dog

Flower school yesterday.

A lady called Andrea brought me treats, which i may or may not have eaten in a single sitting.

Then Polly took me to the pub for a glass of fizzy pop.

It's not Ibiza, but there are worse places to hang out everyday.

This is a man's world

not that you would know it here.

This morning I was forced to walk alongside her new shopping trolley. Humiliation.

I am a man, a hot bloodied male. Baskets won't do. I want chrome, leather, steel, glass.

What's that you say? Had the chop? 4 years ago? Right.

As you were.

Re: The Ham Hock

It wasn't me.

I wasn't anywhere near it.

That's my story, and I am sticking to it.